I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
