i already hear my dad disowning me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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