I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
