You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
