Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
