We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
