Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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