THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
