did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
