so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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