matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
