Non-Jews are for practice
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
