Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
worst night to have a conscience
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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