I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
