two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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