theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
