I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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