You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
