And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
