This is not my ceiling
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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