i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
