There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
