we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
