i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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