is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
