wrigley field is MILF paradise
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
