when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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