I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
