We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
