Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
