I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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