The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
