I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
