Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
