My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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