I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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