One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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