ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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