You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
