youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
