i already hear my dad disowning me
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
