I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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