i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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