I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
