I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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