Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
