Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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