I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
