apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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