Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
